TY&B'S Secret Santa
VIRTUAL GIFT EXCHANGE LOUNGE
VIRTUAL GIFT EXCHANGE LOUNGE
From now through December 20th, the TY&B Gift Exchange Lounge will be open for you to drop off & pick up your virtual gifts to & from your Secret Santa Pal!
Here's a tip from Nonnie @ Hysterical Raisins on how to enter a direct link into comments so we can all open presents more easily.......(Thank you Nonnie!)
1. type < a
2. space
3. type href=
4. type or paste the url of whatever you're linking to
5. type >
6. type whatever words you want to show up in blue that people will click on to get to what you're linking to
7. type < / a> (without the spaces)
If I can do it, anyone can!
154 comments:
sounds like fun !!!
I'm just off to write a letter to Santa ;-)
YNB...I'll start you off with the first gift.
http://www.petco.com/product/110305/Snuggie-for-Dogs-in-Blue--As-Seen-on-TV.aspx?cm_mmc=CSEMGooglebase-_-Dog-_-As%20Seen%20on%20TV-_-1275003&mr:trackingCode=0461CEA1-5FAA-DE11-93DB-0019B9C043EB&mr:referralID=NA
And this is for Matty
http://www.bighappiehair.com/
hmm..thinking this will be fun but i have a dumb question. is this a real gift or a virtual gift?
Lynn - virtual!
Cubby....Is that gift for me or Simon?
I like the idea, should be fun!
The first gift is for you.
For Lynn at Trippin with Rip:
http://www.airplanetradeonline.com/apdetail13273.htm
To help you get started on that long time dream.
Santa 2.0
Well, thank you Cubbie (even though I know who you are) but I think it might fit better on Simon! :-)
Oops, that should have been "Cubby".
These are for the lovely Claire at ClaireCollins.wordpress.com
http://www.rubylane.com/shops/20thcenturylostandfound/item/222?gbase=1
I hope you find a new shelf for them.
Cheers!
Oh...I thought you were referring to another blogger when you first said Simon. Yes it is for Simon.
Christmas comes early for the lad who put the “fun” and the “mental” in fundamentalism, as well as the “jelly” in jelly.
Merry Xmas, FJ!
Up first – your virtual gag gifts!
http://tinyurl.com/bhza5
http://tiny.cc/6j0pt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5BQBKClJeY
Ho, ho, ho… Ahahaha… Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ahahahahaha! Bwehahahahahahahaha! *gasp!* *wheeze* *cough cough* …Ahahahahaha!
And download other semi-virtual goodies here: http://rapidshare.com/files/314509209/Fundamental_Xmas.rar.html
Signed,
Santa Fantod of The North Pole
(aka: Captain Obvious or “The Great Regifter”)
a gift for me? i love it! i have an idea who sent it. am i supposed to guess? this is the best christmas ever!!
i was going to get you this, but i couldn't figure out how to wrap it.
2.5 miles per gallon!!!!!
Nons...please tell us all how you did that link! It would make opening all the presents so much easier!
Also, if you send me your email address, I'll try and hook you up with a Secret Santa!
Santa Fantod....can I get a gift, too??
Yes! Link instructions, please! :)
links are easy. the only thing difficult is that sometimes, i'm not able to copy and paste here. i don't know why that happens sometimes. anyhoo, here's how to link. i'll have to do it as a list. otherwise, it keeps coming up as a link.
1. type < a (without the space)
2. space
3. type href=
4. type or paste the url of whatever you're linking to
5. type >
6. type whatever words you want to show up in blue that people will click on to get to what you're linking to
7. type < / a> (without the spaces)
sorry to explain it so awkwardly, but otherwise, it thinks i'm screwing up a real link. let me know if you have any more questions.
Thanks Nons!
So fun, Yang! Ok, I just need some time to find the perfect present. I'll be back...
Sorry Nonnie, I don't get it. Could you please type a full example and add *** where the URL is supposed to go.
Or maybe my Secret Santa could include a personal HTML Trainer Guide as a gift :-)
Thanks.
jj
joanna, i would love to, but when i do, it shows up as a link, and it won't help you at all. let me try with a bunch of spaces. just keep in mind that you need to leave out all the spaces, except for the one after the first a and before href
< a href= URL > text < / a >
I'm giving it a try and trying to link to Nonnie's blog
YIPPEE!!!!!!! :-)
see? it's not difficult! ;o)
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Of course, YNB…
Terribly sorry about the delay. I hadn’t forgotten about you. Santa Fantod had to have “a word” with one of his little helpers. Turns out that Ernst the elf has been drinking on the job. That’s a big “no, no, no!”
Ho, ho, ho! Santa Fantod made a funny! Ho ho ho ahahahahaha aghh *ack* *hack* *bleck* ahhh… Ho, ho, ho!
Here are your virtual gag gifts.
http://tinyurl.com/ye7jb53
http://tinyurl.com/yb9c3h7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AS_TWNRy7SU
And an extra little something for under the virtual tree.
http://rapidshare.com/files/314585617/YNB_Cartoon_Xmas.rar.html
Signed,
Santa Fantod of The North Pole
(aka: H. Amish “Christmass” McAlpoxday or “The Tree Trimmer”)
this embed the link in the comments is harder to explain than do. The above step-by-step instructions look good. Just remember when you are done the result is all together. I found the best way to do it is with a text editor first and then copy paste it into the comment box.
Here's a try at it (oh any Ladies out there please pick you gift from this nice selection)
fashion question
Just trying out the html code:
for you YnB
It worked! YAY! Thanks Nonnie. ;)
Hey Dusty! If you'd like to join in on the Secret Santa Exchange, please send me your email address today! Love to have you! ynbspot@hotmail.com
And thanks for the Mobs Rule action figures. It's so you to think of such a fun gift! :-)
Who has my coal???
Oh Bearman.. come on.. play! It'll be fun..
though admittedly I find the idea of virtual shopping rather intimidating! Will put some muscle into this later!
For Joanne:
A little sampler of the treats that lie ahead, from your secret admirer:
sweets for the sweet
Oh Santa Fantod you are the greatest!! How did you know what I wanted? Are you a mind-reader or a Peeping-Tom? :-)
Ho, ho, ho! *wheeze” *hack”
Glad you liked your gift, YNB!
Nothing says “Super fun Christmas” like the Muppets version of Jingle Bell Rock. Ho, ho, ho, oh that “Animal.” Such a funny and hairy drummer.
To answer your hilariously insightful question: If Santa Fantod is to succeed at his job he has to be a bit of both. ;) But in order to maintain good PR, I tell people I’m a mind reader. It’s jus better this way.
Signed,
Santa Fantod of The North Pole
(aka: Kris “Amazing Kreskin” Kringle or “Father “Peeping Tom” Christmas)
This is for Hysterical Raisin
a tee with bite
Sorry Hysterical Raisin my link doesn't work :( . This blog won't let me cut and paste :(
Hysterical Raisin let me try again...
http://www.thingsyouneverknew.com/65212.do?WT.srch=1&code=RJS00000
OK Hysterical Raisin...third time lucky...
http://www.thingsyouneverknew.com/65212.do?WT.srch=1&code=RJSOOOOO
This gift is for Dusty @ It's My Right to be Left of Center. Hope she likes it.
LISLEMAN .... LISLEMAN .... LISLEMAN ....
Here's my first little gift for you ....
have fun!
I shall return with more toys for you ....
A little something for Nurse Myra:
Christmas Pressie
OMG...I want one of those Cupcake Cars!!
For Nurse Myra with love!
http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gx1SrFA
I'm still shopping for the second half. Enjoy!
For Nurse Myra
Merry Christmas Sexy!
Love, Guess Who?
http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV1stB80
by VersAtelier
http://www.versatelier.com/product_info.php?cPath=68&products_id=172&osCsid=ptbfvibvtpr0nc6d24pbvna4g3
Sweets for Sweet JOANNA!
ENJOY!
Huh!
Christmas again....already?
I suppose I'll be expected to leave a gift for George.
I may have a look round the attic, and see if there's some old stuff that I don't need.
Watch this space.
I hate christmas.
OK George!
Somebody gave me this last year, and I have had so much fun with it.
One of these little fellers dropped into the punch bowl at a party is always gets a reaction.
Anyhow, I've got better things to do,a dn don't need it anymore - so here you go.
Just don't tell anyone that i gave it to you. I have a reputation to live down to.
thank you, secret santa. please call me nonnie. it's a lot less typing than hysterical raisins.
This is for Julie @ Madhatters
(let me know if you don't like it, I'll get you something else and use it myself!)
http://www.mallover.com/images/snuggie.jpg
For Lynn
Happy Travels
Santa 2.0
TANNERLEAH probably doesn't deserve this, but I'm feeling a little party in my pants and decided to share.
MILF
Here's another gift for Dusty.
THANK YOU JUNGLE BELLS!
I LOVE the homemade marshmellows and Nat King Cole is a favorite singer of mine! I am officially in the holiday spirit thanks to you!
xo Joanna
Testing the link... Fingers crossed I did it right.
test link
For CLAIRE COLLINS
20 little ditties for you to sing along with while you're driving this holiday season.
20 Tunes
Enjoy!
From Your Mystery Santa
Thank You Virtual Santa .... I'll save that for winter time ;-)
Thank you, Santa Baby. Since Sarah has taken out her restraining order against me, my pants have hardly been partying at all.
TL...did you catch that pole dance Santa Baby performed for you? What a hoot! That should have given you a wild party down there!
To DELICATE FLOWER
THIS is for you and Joe.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
This is for LINLAH
HOPE YOU LIKE THIS!
Tis the Season!
Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!
JULIE at the MAD HATTERS
We found this little guy on the side of the street. He needs someone to love him.
Hope this link works
FOR LYNN in case you didn’t get one for yourself
Santa 2.0
Dear Noel!
What a treat.. many thanks. I'll be sure to share with Joe!
Thanks Elvis that's a good way to start the season and entertain the guests.
For Bschooled
To help you save your pennies.
http://www.inewidea.com/2007/06/30/1228.html
I hope Dusty likes to cook, because I'm getting her this to help in the kitchen.
ThankYou 'The Chipmunks' .... he is adoooorable ..... will get plenty of love from me ... I love cuddly things :-)
Ha! Thanks Ho Ho Ho!
No wi just need some pennies...
FOR LYNN a thousand dollar gift certificate to this place
Santa 2.0
TO NOBBLYSAN, (a twist on wine, women and song)
beer
birds
bands
awe....a cessna,humping dog usb, some cool ass luggage and new clothes from free people... this is definitely the best christmas ever!! i love blogging!
Another gift for Dusty!
Little Miss Santa - thanks so much I love toys and the ones today are so amazing being able to fly and all. I used to be much HARDER to poke your eye out!
thanks merry christmas
I need to get my secret santa gift up here soon.
Not exactly a secret santa, but here's a gift for all the ladies.
I thought whilst making coffee this morning, that all the ladies would really love a rich Italian
Merry Christmas Dave Hambidge
The tough thing about this secret santa is not knowing that much about your victim recipient. That is always a problem at Christmas. Maybe a former psychiatrist would find this interesting.
whopper virgins
This scene from a great movie hopefully will bring a smile.
shopping fun
How about some free holiday music ?? go over to
amazon
and then to MP3-Music-Download and click on the 25 Days of Free.
HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
I can't speak for Dave, but those were some awesome gifts.
For Alan Truitt.
You deserve so much more but I'm sure you will appreciate these:
First, You need to be well dressed:
Santa is Satan
Christmas eve attire
For Bschooled
click here
Dear Home for Christmas, thankyou for my lovely presents. I am uch touched, particularly as,
Hulu TV (second gift) is USofA view only.
Amazon UK are NOT offering the 25 day free.
However, I did enjoy the virgins.
If I promise to be extra special good for the next 19 days (some hope!), can I have replacements for the fecking useless 'gifts'?
XXXXX
dave
Oops, forgot to include this link with the earlier vid for Bschooled
http://content.etilize.com/1300/11965135.jpg
I love my Mystery Santa! Cute little bears and Music! Thank you!
Dave - sorry about those damn copyright lawyers. I've run into problems with viewing in other countries before. I'll try to find some replacement but the clip YNB posted Sunday has some really good gifts. Oh I guess this problem kinda gives away the fact I'm not in the UK.
Dear HFC, I sort of guessed you wasn't britland based!
YnB's video is a cracker BTW.
Any replacements will be gratefully accepted...
To that famous Irish woman, Ann O'Nymous who gave me a variation on wine, women and song.
The beer was spot on, thank you.
The birds looked terrific (if only I were 30 years younger, and had the guts to try it)
The band was a big disappointment, I'm afraid... a bit of Motorhead would have been better.
Many thanks, Happy Nerkin Christmas!
I love my presents. And thank to you, I’ll be the best dressed dog boy in the office. You just made this the most nerkin, merkin, lurkin’, gherkin, and totally workin’ Christmas ever!
Alan
FOR LYNN – BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY’D MAKE YOU LAUGH
Santa 2.0
FOR BEARMAN:
Are You Hungry?
Here's a little something for Dusty.
FOR CLAIRE AT CLAIRE COLLINS
Here's a little something to get you around town in style.
A SWEET RIDE FOR CLAIRE
Enjoy
xo Your Mystery Santa
FOR LYNN – A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR ANYTHING ON THIS SITE
Santa 2.0
What a sweet ride! Do I have frosting on my nose? I may have to make my garage rounder. Is it sad that thing costs more than any car I've ever owned? Thank you xo Mystery Santa!
If this works, it's going to be pretty cool. If it doesn't, it's going to be really Ugly... Here goes...
For Alan
On the first day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you: A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Haha!
Holy nerk! I know that old man. It’s my grouchy Uncle Don.
Thanks again, Happy Nerkin Christmas.
Guess this means I’ll be spending the holidays with him and Uncle York. It’s quite a ritual. We all go out to the barn Christmas Eve to sing carols, watch for Santa and slaughter gophers with a rubber mallet and paring knife.
As Don mentions in his most recent comment thread, it’s a Christmas tradition.
He also notes that the gophers are stringy, short of white meat and painfully hard to stuff but if they’re prepared properly make a damned fine Christmas dinner. The only real drawback, he insists, is the lack of wishbone.
Well deck my halls, it’ll be another Xmas watching Don and York snapping gopher wishbone spine.
Much alcohol will be required for the day.
Here's another shot at gifts for Dave Hambidge
psych'd action figure
and what every blogger needs while they are contemplating their next post.
Card size SPACEWARP
To DUNCAN
For You and the Gang!
BIG PISSY -
Enjoy the Holidays!
BE A PARTY ANIMAL!
FOR CLAIRE COLLINS
Wishing you a Beary Christmas!
BEARY CHRISTMAS CLAIRE
Cheers!
Your Secret Santa
Craziness for the FRIGGIN LOON
Just For You
Alan,
Save the alcohol, you may need a large dose of it before I'm done with you. On with the presents! (You're wearing the Santa suit right?)
On the Second day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you: Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Alan...I think you might be the winner of the best Secret Santa gifts this year!! :-)
Hahaha!
Yes, indeed I am wearing the Santa Suit.
I wore it to work on Monday and it went over very well. Everyone was highly amused. I wore it to work on Tuesday and people still laughed but it was more nervous laughter than the previous jovial laughter. When I wore it to work on Wednesday and the folks at the office looked more than a little bit concerned. Which is great – I like to keep them on their toes. That's why I plan to keep wearing it until next spring.
Thanks for all the lovely merkin shots. You’ve made me once again believe in the true spirit of Christmas. It's all about getting merkins. ...Oh, and peace and love and happiness for all. Look at me getting all misty (I promised myself I wouldn’t cry) and festive and giddy as a schoolboy. I’m going to stand on my head. Oh! And get me some mistletoe.
In fact, I think I can safely say, “Yes Virginia there really is a Happy Nerkin Christmas.” I mean, talk about the holy grail of nerkin merkins! From pink fuzzies to mominatrix’s. Wow. Just, wow. Oh, and I’m also greatly relieved to know there is in fact a “Merkin World.” I always thought the fabled rumors were true!
And as for the jeweled butterfly merkin… Well, that just left me speechless.
Thanks again, Happy Nerkin Christmas. You’re the gift that keeps on giving!
PS: yorksnbeans, you are right. I think I am the winner of the best Secret Santa and Secret Santa gifts this year!
Alan,
I knew you would enjoy Merkins from the Nerkin. Since you've been such a good boy this year, I'm going to give you your next present. Unwrap at your leisure:
On the third day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you: Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Dear Home for Christmas, thankyou, you have made what is going to be atrying morning very tolerable. (Iam installing Windows7 onto my wife's PC whilst she is at hairdreser so only 3 hours to prove I'm a man...)
The figurine of Carl is totally exceptional, but I have traded it in for the skyjump parachuting Siggy Freud. That just tickles my funny bits really bad. Just have to find a tall building with a lift so I can try it out!
The card gizmo is a piece of engineering brialliance. I'll not say more but let others sneak a peep.
Thankyou again.
dave
Thanks TinkerBell!!!
….And that’s why it was the best Christmas ever.
Deck my halls!
Woot! Hah! And, might I add…
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Christmas keeps on getting better. I’m certainly enjoying your delightfully unexpected gifts. Not to mention your wonderfully creative plot twists and turns.
Happy Nerkin Christmas, are you a screenplay writer? You must be because you’re certainly providing me with entertaining holiday thrills, chills and eggnog spills…
And my, Santa, what delightful poses they have. All the better to nerk me with? (It really wouldn’t be Christmas without at least one semi veiled Red Riding Hood reference.)
I’m certainly very much liking the new variation on this standard Christmas Carol. I mean, three French Hens is all fine and dandy if one is hungry, or into the theological virtues of faith, hope and charity… But three French Whores, well, that just cries out “wacky office party!” Talk about super bon bons!
Thank you again, Happy Nerkin Christmas! Your 12 Days of Christmas not only pleases and enthralls – it works on so many levels! :)
My friend Alan,
I'm glad you're pleased and enthralled. I knew you would enjoy the third day of Christmas.
You might want a drink before the day's over.
First, I thought you might need something a little warmer than a t-shirt and that skimpy santa suit.
To keep most of you warm
Now without further ado:
On the fourth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you: Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Ha!
Oh, my…
Now where did I put that bottle?
Dear Happy Nerkin Christmas!
Today, I would like to share with you an excerpt from my diary…
“Dearest heavenly diary,
Once again my secret Santa, Happy Nerkin Christmas! filled my heart with Christmas joy and my basket with Christmas goodies!
I now have three French whores to go with my furry merkins! It really is a magical season. And even though crabby Uncle Don doesn’t approve of merkins or whores, that shan’t (Yes diary, I said “shan’t”) stop me from basking in the luxurious glow of this festive day.
Oh, the sweet candy canes and rapturous elves that dance metaphorically before me bring ever such delight, but the gifts from Happy Nerkin Christmas! are the true balms to my oft wounded soul. A soul that is now reborn and rising like the Phoenix from its ashes to wondrous planes of festive tranquility.
Oh! But if only… If only, if only Happy Nerkin Christmas! wouldest (yes, diary, that’s right “wouldest”) but send me polyester lounge pants that feature a humorous interpretation of a reindeer. Oh, but if that dream were to come true my life would then be complete. And dash it, I’ll say it, even more so if said pants came with a set of antlers, in plush velour fabric and were machine washable and had side pockets, an open fly and a covered elastic waistband.
Dare I dream dearest diary? Oh. And – a picture of four really big chicks would also be swell. No, no, it would be better than swell – it would be divinely swell.”
*cough*
Sorry about all the flowery language. I tend to get carried away in my diary entries… But as you can see, you have once again given me the gifts I’ve been wishing for. How do you know? Have you been reading my diary? If so, once again, sorry about the excessively flowery language…
But then I remember that you are Santa and you know all. You’re sort of like a combination of God, Buddha, Stephen Hawking, Hedy Lamarr, Professor Science and the Great Gazoo. Your awesomely ominous.
Thanks again, Happy Nerkin Christmas. You make me believe in Christmas, Christmas sex, sexy Christmas, mass Christmas sex, sexy mass, a mass of sex, and the magic of my dream catcher.
AT - It pleases me so to know that I have in some way been involved in helping you receive your most sought after gifts. The world works in the most mysterious of ways, especially during the month of December.
So true, so true, YNB. And very well said, I might add. I really can't thank you enough for the Secret Santa hook up, but if you are looking for more "toon foolery" this might help. It is but a small token of my friendship. (Oh man, there I go again with the flowery language... what the Hell?) :)
http://rapidshare.com/files/306255297/BBOB-1999.zip.html
Yes Alan, 'tis I.
I have returned despite being held hostage by your fourth day of Christmas gift.
I had to give them your home address before they would let me go. They said something about "Gettin' some doggy-style lovin'" before they threw me out of the car on their way to your
place.
At least the reindeer pants are keeping your loins warm until they get there. I'm going to give you a nice little break since I noticed you have a tear in your eye.
Here's your next gift:
On the fifth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Another gift for Matty
Click Here for the gift.
Hey that didn't work. Let's try it again.
Click Here for Matty's gift!
Awwww! Thank you Secret Santa! He's so cute.
I think I'm figuring out who you are ;)
And on the fifth day there was laughter.
(And a slight technical glitch...)
Many thanks Happy Nerkin Christmas!
The gift of laughter is essential and that fight scene alone is worthy of a thousand bellowing belly laughs.
I was sorry (and intrigued) to hear about “the hostage situation.” I had hoped that it might have been one of those “funny enough, in the end things worked our pretty well” scenarios, but considering you were tossed from the car, I’ll put it in the “let us never speak of this again” category.
One thing is for certain, I shall be keeping an eye out for my four guests and I might also buy myself a new deadbolt for the front door.
Once again, many thanks for my latest batch of gifts. You really are the swellest Secret Santa in the whole wide world and should I ever find out your true identity, I will be sure to send you some pictures of me wearing my form fitting reindeer pants. I think I look pretty snazzy.
Hang on, someone’s knocking at the front door.
I wonder who that could be?
Talk to you later!
We may never see Alan again.
He needed a vacation anyway and plenty of time to relax.
If he doesn't come back, then someone else can use his next gift.
On the sixth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
6 months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Oh no, you think he might have been kidnapped? I have faith in him....he'll be back!
For bschooled
click here
I’m back. You couldn’t keep me away.
It wasn’t the ladies at the door. It was a drunken and belligerent Christmas elf looking for a fight. He threatened to “roast my chestnuts on an open fire.” Fortunately at that point the ladies showed up and carried him off. He was screaming pretty loud, but I think they were screams of joy.
Wow!
This is really proving to be one steamy Christmas. Many thanks for this, Happy Nerking Christmas! Your wonderful gifts just keep on giving! How many days are there in Christmas? I hope it’s a thousand! ;)
Truth be told, I was a bit concerned that the day six gift might have “sex geese for laying.” I’m a pretty opened minded guy, but I’m not sure if I could get behind that.
Once again, thank you so much.
I’m really going to have to get you something special as well.
You're going to get me something special?
Is that a threat?
Even I wouldn't resort to Sex Geese for laying.
Ok, I thought about it but couldn't find any.
I'm going to change it up a little now. This present isn't really for you. This one's for me and YnB.
On the seventh day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Thank you, thank you HNS!! Although, where are the other six? Oh, I found them. AT was trying to hide them under his bed. Naughty, naughty!
All I need is one... just one...
I already have one living here with me! ;-)
Hahaha!
I'm pretty sure the only thing under my bed is my carefully wrapped burka merkin collection.
Well, there's always day eight.
:)
Thanks again, Happy Nerking Christmas, this gift has been my best clue as to just who you might be.
For Joanna,
Sorry I haven't been a big gift giver. Got you some yummy chocolates then disappeared off the face of the earth!
But, we little elves have lots of work to do right now.
Here's your next gift:
hot guys to feel you up
Dear SWEETEST ELF
As you can see from all the deleted comments, I'm um, speechless. What a unique gift. Those are some VERY cute young men with a great cause to promote. This reminds me of one of those gifts that keeps on giving-- If I don't get arrested in the process ;-)
Thanks a million!
xo Joanna
FOR CLAIRE COLLINS
For you holiday enjoyment, pack up your family and friends and take off to HERE FOR A MAGICAL GETAWAY
After you've arrived, rested and taken in a few of the sights you'll ENJOY A FEAST FIT FOR A QUEEN HERE
And since you've been such a good girl all year long STAY UNTIL NEW YEAR'S and watch the city light up!
Hope your holidays are happy and bright! This has been fun!
Merry Christmas
xo
Your Mystery Santa
For DUSTY. I hope you like this!
That gave you a clue? I would think it would confuse you more.
A little pink haired elf helped me with today's. I love it when others play along!
Got Cookies??
On the eighth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Eight Maids a Milkin’,
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Santa told me to drop these off for Duncanr:
Everyone should have at least one of these. In the coming cold weather this little gift should help keep you warm, if not then this certainly will.
Merry Xmas!
Hysterical Raisin pressie
ship ahoy
Hey Duncan,
Can you take some photos of you in your newest gifts? I'd like to see how the sock fits! teehee
Was this pink haired elf wearing a mask? ;)
Well, Happy Nerking Christmas! and Mysterious Pink Haired Elf, thank you very much for the maids a milking. Have to admit, this one took me by surprise. Yup, didn’t ever imagine I’d get this for Christmas – once again proving just how magical a season it can be. Judging by the colour and texture of the milk on human skin, I’m guessing that’s not your common garden variety 2% milk but the sacred homogenized milk. I couldn’t tell if she was wearing a merkin but I like to think she was.
On the subject of homogenized milk. I have a homogenized milk story. Once while traveling with a friend, we ended up having breakfast in a very high end restaurant in New York city. Our waiter was very gay and when my friend ordered her breakfast, she has asked for a glass of milk and then said (and I quote): “Oh, and I don’t want 2% milk, please make sure it’s a glass of homosexual milk…”
At this point there was a very uncomfortable silence until she realized what she had just said. Embarrassed, she then corrected her mistake by saying (and again, I quote) “Ooops! No, I meant homosexual milk. I mean, homosexual, no, I mean homo… homogenized milk. Homogenized milk… May I please have a glass of homogenized milk?”
Thanks again for the great gifts Happy Nerking Christmas! AND Mysterious Pink Haired Elf! You both rock the 12 days of Christmas… Whoever you two may be!
wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Alan,
She WAS wearing a mask! You're psychic? Or is that psycho? I can never keep those two straight. So maybe you've figured out who we are? ;)
As for the homosexual milk, I guess hers could have been but I didn't stop to ask it as she was pouring, And then it ran down her legs, down the drain, and it was gone.
I found your next gift growing in my backyard. I have an entire orchard full of them, but you may have to come south of the border to use them.
On the ninth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Nine billion dollars,
Eight Maids a Milkin’,
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Oh mi calidad!
Whoops! Sorry for the sudden jump into Spanish, but I tend to break into it when I discover that money grows on trees. And in my new best friend’s backyard! :)
Hey good buddy pal, your orchard sounds like a most wondrous place. Do you have one those Venus Fly Trap plants that spits out silver dollars? Or any delicate gilded roses whose roots are made of spun gold? And let’s not forget the fabled merkin magnolia marigold mimosa morning glory. Those are so awesome, dude. Oh, wait… My mistake that’s a wickedly boozy cocktail, not a flower. I love those things. Sixteen of them and I’m on my ass. But we’re not here to talk about my ass. Are we? No… No, we’re not.
Anyway, once again, many thanks for these fabulous gifts, Happy Nerking Christmas! You put the yule in my log, the missile in my toe, the season in my jolly, and the Fa la la la la in my la la la la.
You’re that good!
Dear Alan,
Spanish, huh? How about Dos Equis or Jose Cuervo?
Sixteen magical mixed yummies and you're on your ass? I only have ten. . .
On the tenth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Ten bottles for Drinkin’,
Nine billion dollars,
Eight Maids a Milkin’,
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Jackpot!
Wow, Happy Nerking Christmas! and Mysterious Pink Haired Elf, you’re both too good to me. Here’s today’s plan: I will drink the 10 bottles, pluck cash from the 9 money trees, shower up with milk and the 8 milkmaids, um, offer a hearty handshake to the topless 7 Santas, check the calendar and book my plans for the next 6 months, spend the afternoon laughing at 5 funny things (and watch that fight scene five more times) keep an eye out for 4 big girls at my door, invite over 3 French whores, ask 2 of them to don furry merkins and speaking of “Don” I will then prank call my uncle and tell him I’m standing on his lawn.
Should be a fun day!
Thanks again to both of you.
NobblySan, are you there? Have you been a good boy this last year? Would you like a Xmas gift from Santa.
Even if you don't, goeth to
lapland
where mt good friend dave is hosting my secret santa.
Enjoy.
Nobbly - a good boy? Sorry. Had a good laugh, but this one's for Alan. (surprised?)
Sounds like you had a busy day! Now you can have some toys. I know it says 15, but I'm sure you can find 4 you dont like.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Eleven Nifty Gadgets
Ten bottles for Drinkin’,
Nine billion dollars,
Eight Maids a Milkin’,
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Wow, Happy Nerking Christmas!
You’re just the best. The handpresso is my favorite – but I love them all. Thanks to you (and Pinky the masked Elf) I’ve built myself a mountain of toys, big-boned babes in bikinis, beefcake, gadgets, booze bottles, whores and merkins. I’ve placed them all squarely on the rock solid foundation that is a crabby old fart. It’s a rather strange looking mountain but it makes me happy and is a testament to your creative generosity and very healthy sex drive. And let’s face it, creative generosity and healthy sex is really what the holly jolly holidays are all about. Getting our holly jollies over the hollies. And being jolly… While we’re getting our holly jollies. Because we’re so holly to get some jolly… Okay, I should probably wrap this (and some gifts) up for now.
Thanks again, Happy Nerking Christmas!
Mystery Santa! Paris for Christmas? I love it! How's the weather there this time of year? And I get a bonus new years gift too? You really are a great Santa. I would love to be in Paris. Want to go with me?
Alan my friend,
You've been such a good boy all year that you deserve every present. However, the twelfth and final gift isn't for you.
This gift is for our wonderful host, Bean and our pink haired little elf, Tootsie.
Bean, I can't thank you enough for giving me Alan as a victim... I mean as a secret santa recipient. This has been a lot of fun for me and I hope many of the readers enjoyed it as well.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, your Santa gave to you:
Twelve Christmas flowers,
Eleven Nifty Gadgets,
Ten bottles for Drinkin’,
Nine billion dollars,
Eight Maids a Milkin’,
Seven Sexy Santas,
Six months of playing,
Five Funny Things!
Four big girls,
Three French Whores,
Two furry Merkins,
and A Crabby old fart with an attitude!
Ok, I can't deny Alan one more little gift: Falling down Drunk!
I will be incredibly surprised if he hasn't figured out who I am.
Happy Holidays to everyone!
All of the links I've posted and the twelfth day doesn't work. Let's try again:
Twelve Christmas flowers,
Oh my HNC!! Thank you so much! So many beautiful flowers (way more than 12!) I am so (the third so!) glad you have enjoyed being Alan's Secret Santa. Not only has Alan obviously been tickled pink with his gifts, I too, have had fun seeing his gifts and reading his reactions! I will be posting an "Secret Santa Outing" post here shortly.
You rock Christmas Happy Nerking Christmas!
Seriously.
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