(SC accent that is, for those who can distinguish between the various Southern drawls).
Jimmy, poor soul, was on a mission to share his misery with anyone who would listen. Bless his little heart. You see, Jimmy and the missus had trouble in the bedroom (At least he knows how to capture one's attention). For months they had been trying to have a baby, but nothing was happening. Then, as luck would have it, the missus got raped and she became pregnant (poor Mrs. Jimmy). Now, this is where we must assume, since we are in dead center of the Bible Belt, that she felt there was no other option but to have this child (really, she'd been trying for months and nothing was happening with Jimmy). Unfortunately though, Jimmy didn't take this decision too well and reacted inappropriately (he would not share the intimate details). Whatever he did resulted in Mrs. Jimmy's parents kicking him out, never to speak with their daughter ever again.
But, Jimmy, wouldn't have any of that. He loves the missus and the missus loves him (even if it is only in Jimmy's mind) See, he owns this cell phone (probably one he got right there at Walmart), but he's run out of minutes and this is the only way that the two love birds can keep in touch these days. Can we help him out?
We quickly started pushing our cart in the opposite direction. Panhandling in Walmart. What's next on the shopping list, dear?
6 hours ago